I Will Come

The past few weeks, I have had a very heavy heart because of the choices I have made. I have lost heart that God can truly heal me. I think over and over again that He will come to my rescue; yet, I never feel like He does. This has left me feeling alone a lot, even when I have loving people surrounding and encouraging me. It amazes me how quickly I forget that the God I love is sovereign, but I do each time my sin separates me from Him. Satan has used this attack on me so many times now that I guess I've just lost hope that it can actually get better.

But it will.

Although the pain is hard and time doesn't seem to be helping, it will. God is sovereign. He knows me better than I know myself. He's there, even when I feel abandoned. It is the truth of God's word that will help me to see. I know I can overcome the darkness, for the lover of my soul taught me of His power in the light. I will admit, it is easier to give up and leave everything behind; yet, isn't it so much more worth fighting for? Fighting for this relationship with the most intimate God there is? I think so, even if my heart doesn't feel that right now. This truth, it can set me free. My heart will wait for Him. Until then, I will keep my lamp burning bright in the hope that He will find me. Waiting.

When it feels like everything is falling apart, that's usually when God is putting it all back together..

Wait for me child, I'm in love with you. It's a solemn vow, I'll come back for you. I promise. 

Unfailing Love

As a young woman after God's own heart, I don't want anything to stand in the way of my true love and me. This means that I must put off everything that will try to intervene and destroy this love. However, the past few weeks, maybe even months, I have given into the world and what it is telling me: "Give up, you will never know what true love is." 


Growing up, I never had a father figure in my life and I am realizing now how much this has affected me, emotionally and spiritually. I desired to know the love of a father who would cheer me on and love me for my failures.

But I never did.

In John 14:18, Jesus says this: "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." Even through the battle of a heart who longs for the love of a father, I know I can look to my heavenly father; the only one who has never forsaken me. It is all I can do. When the world tells me to give up on love, the gentle voice of my Father whispers, don't give up, I will love you forever and be with you to the ends of the earth, always. 


I know I have a long journey ahead of me to heal from where I never knew the love of an earthly father. But I will always remember that the love of my heavenly father is unfailing, sustaining, mysterious, and stronger  than any love I will ever experience. It is the only truth I can hold on to.

Father, continue to show me your healing love, for I long to love you more. 

Being Different for a Purpose

Many times I wonder about the concept of "fitting in." To me, I don't understand why a human being only feels complete when they fit into a certain crowd of people. But then I think about the concept of acceptance; everyone wants to be accepted by someone. Since the beginning, all the way in Genesis 3, we have had this empty lonely feeling and we are more than desperate to feel it up with something. That something isn't always a good thing. It could be friendships, romantic relationships, alcohol, drugs, sex, etc. Nevertheless, we pursue anything that seems filling, whether it is or not.

I've come to the realization, however, that none of these things will ever fill my heart's desire. Over the course of the past year, I have come to know the love of a beautiful Savior. In the midst of darkness I was living in, this man came to my rescue and loved me with a deep passionate love that no other could have ever loved me with. This love was so consuming that it redefined how I saw myself because my thoughts were consumed with the lies the devil had led me to believe.

I have learned many things about myself than I thought I could ever know, many of them being negative traits. Through this journey, God has led me to see the truth of who He has made me to be and how he is still  transforming me. It has been a hard path but I know that God has changed the heart of one who never knew true, forgiving, transforming love. It is only because of this love that invites me to step out of the world and into His presence. When the world is calling me to be like it, my true love calls me to step out and be different.