The past two months have felt like a blur to me. Looking back on it, I think God is trying to ruin me. I think He has been doing this for awhile, however, I didn't comprehend it until I was on a plane to West Africa. Even when I landed, I still didn't fully comprehend it. I don't think I'll ever fully comprehend what God is doing to me. I never knew what one girl and a guitar could do. How humbled I was by the Lord in my ignorance of His power. My heart has never desired to love one people group so much until I fell in love with Vogan. Actually, my heart is still there.
I say I'm studying music therapy in school. Will I be doing that in the future? I'm not sure anymore. One thing I'm certain of, however, is that God is sovereign. I am confident that He has something greater planned for me than I have ever imagined, or can even accept at the moment. Most of me wants to run away from what He has planned for me. Being in love with one place doesn't make it easier to accept giving up everything to be a light there. I know that running in circles around a mighty God will never further the kingdom either. The only thing I can do is submit and be obedient to what He desires of me.
I think of Peter often these days. He had a wife but followed his Jesus instead. I wonder if that meant she came along also, or if he had to leave her behind. I don't know what it's like to trade someone that special for someone who could get you killed. Peter must have thought it was worth it. He faced persecution, imprisonment, beatings, death. But he was the rock that Jesus built His church on, even though he denied Him three times. He was willing to give it all away for the most valuable treasure.
I think there should be a warning on prayer. Be careful when you pray that you surrender everything to follow Jesus, because He may take everything from you. You may face persecution. People may think you're crazy. You may face death. God may even throw you into another continent thousands and thousands miles from home.
That's what happened to me.
