The past three weeks have been hard. Over the span of about 7 days, I developed a very infectious boil under my arm, unable to do anything. It caused a great deal of pain and frustration due to the fact that I wasn't able to sleep, move my arm, or be around my favorite children from fear of them pulling on my arm. By the first week of having this, I was discouraged beyond belief. I came home one day from the clinic, dizzy and nauseus, and sat there and cried. Like any normal person, I demanded an answer from the Lord about why I had to go through this. I thought coming to third world country for almost 3 months, serving and loving the Lord wholeheartedely was enough. Not to come and sit in my room crying and suffering from this giant mass under my arm. I was a broken and confused human being.
Yet, in that moment and the ones falling it, I learned how small I am in this world. That I am but a breath of air passing by. As I continued sitting there angry and upset, I thought about Job, a man who was deliberately put to the test for his love and dedication of God himself:
"And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” And the Lord
said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against
him do not stretch out your hand.” So Satan went out from the presence
of the Lord." (Job 1:8-12)
"And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life.” (2:6)
After God allows Satan to have control over him, by killing everything he owned and even inflicting him with sores, this is what Job does:
"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong” (1:20-22)
Many people may look past the whole point of this story and question why God would allow this to begin with. That's not the point. As humans, we have no right to question the way and authority of God. Should the clay tell the potter that he didn't shape it how it should have been shaped? Should the creation cry out to the creator that he did not create something of good standard? Absolutely not. Like Job, we must learn to praise God in the good and bad times. For Job says: "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" (2:10) If we are only praising Him in the good, we are missing the entire point altogether. Even Paul, a man over familiar with hardship, knew that "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God." (Acts 14:22).
Not to mention Christ on the cross...
Two days later, however, I was taken to the hospital to see what could be done about it. Unfortunately, the only option we had was to let it be cut open for the infection to be taken out. I have never had to go through any surgery my entire life. I never thought I would go through something like that in Africa either. I never expected someone to cut open my arm with a blade...without numbing medicine. I pray I never have to go through that again. Although this experience was a trying time, I praise God daily for it. It's all I can do. If it wasn't for these last few weeks here, I may have never had the chance to learn this lesson in the first place.
Maybe it's the reason I was to come back to small little Togo to begin with.
"The Lord said to Job: Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!" (Job 40:1-2)
"For he wounds but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal." (Job 5:18)
Lord have your way in me.
