Redeeming Love

The Old Testament is intriguing. The words you read are so real and even unreal at times. I've heard times over and over again by our culture that the Old Testament has no relation to our lives today. 

But it does.

It offers and sets up the story of redemption that we see in the New Testament. Without knowledge of the OT, I'm not so sure that we could fully understand the New Testament. Without knowledge of the past, we will never understand fully why there was a need for redemption.

The book of Hosea has become one of my favorite Old Testament books if not my favorite book of the Bible. I read it first on my first trip to Togo. I've read it multiple times since then because it offers hope for this fragile heart. It offers a story of redemption to one so undeserving of it. 

If you have never read this book, here is an overview: Hosea was a prophet called by God to the northern kingdom of Israel who had become a very sinful nation and who had forsaken their God. In return, God called Hosea to take a prostitute as his wife to be a real life witness of the Lord's love for His people. Hosea obeyed and took Gomer, an adulterous woman, as his wife. She then began to conceive children, possibly not even Hosea's children. Continuing with Israel, you clearly witness their unfaithfulness to God. As Gomer is unfaithful to Hosea, Israel is unfaithful to their God. Though He wishes to destroy them, God never can bring himself to do this task because His love is too strong for them and He longs to rescue and restore them.

This story offers hope to this fragile heart. As I read Hosea over and over again, I can relate because I can whisper that...

I am Israel,

I have forsaken my God over and over again,

I have had to be rescued countless times..

This story brings tears to my eyes each time Gomer is unfaithful to her husband, Hosea. It is a covenant between husband and wife, yet, it is broken more than once.

But haven't we broken a similar covenant with God more than once?

"Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength." (Deuteronomy 6:4-5)

"And if we are careful to obey all this law before the Lord our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness." (Deuteronomy 6:25)

As I meditate upon the words of Hosea to the people of Israel, I am pierced to the heart with conviction. 

“Haul your mother into court. Accuse her!

    She’s no longer my wife.

    I’m no longer her husband.

Tell her to quit dressing like a whore,

    displaying her breasts for sale.

If she refuses, I’ll rip off her clothes

    and expose her, naked as a newborn.

I’ll turn her skin into dried-out leather,

    her body into a badlands landscape,

    a rack of bones in the desert.

I’ll have nothing to do with her children,

    born one and all in a whorehouse.

Face it: Your mother’s been a whore,

    bringing bastard children into the world.

She said, ‘I’m off to see my lovers!

    They’ll wine and dine me,

Dress and caress me,

    perfume and adorn me!’

But I’ll fix her: I’ll dump her in a field of thistles,

    then lose her in a dead-end alley.

She’ll go on the hunt for her lovers

    but not bring down a single one.

She’ll look high and low

    but won’t find a one. Then she’ll say,

‘I’m going back to my husband, the one I started out with.

    That was a better life by far than this one.’

She didn't know that it was I all along

    who wined and dined and adorned her,

That I was the one who dressed her up

    in the big-city fashions and jewelry

    that she wasted on wild Baal-orgies.

I’m about to bring her up short: No more wining and dining!

    Silk lingerie and gowns are a thing of the past.

I’ll expose her genitals to the public.

    All her fly-by-night lovers will be helpless to help her.

Party time is over. I’m calling a halt to the whole business,

    her wild weekends and unholy holidays.

I’ll wreck her sumptuous gardens and ornamental fountains,

    of which she bragged, ‘Whoring paid for all this!’

They will soon be dumping grounds for garbage,

    feeding grounds for stray dogs and cats.

I’ll make her pay for her indulgence in promiscuous religion—

    all that sensuous Baal worship

And all the promiscuous sex that went with it,

    stalking her lovers, dressed to kill,

And not a thought for me.”

    God’s Message!

(Hosea 2:2-13)

In all of their wicked deeds, they forsook the only good and true thing that could ever exist. But I call this scripture to mind from the last chapter in Hosea:

"I will heal their way wardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them." (14:4)

This gives me hope like no other. This story is a beautiful example of redeeming love that the Father has for me and for you. To say that the old testament is irrelevant now is largely mistaken and even offensive. It gives us a greater appreciation for grace, something that we now receive because of Christ. This heart of mine takes refuge in these words that God whispers so gently to me and I will deeply cherish them forever. 

"The Lord did not set his affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath he swore to your ancestors that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments."

(Deuteronomy 7:7-9) 

Having a Job go to the Hospital

The past three weeks have been hard. Over the span of about 7 days, I developed a very infectious boil under my arm, unable to do anything. It caused a great deal of pain and frustration due to the fact that I wasn't able to sleep, move my arm, or be around my favorite children from fear of them pulling on my arm. By the first week of having this, I was discouraged beyond belief. I came home one day from the clinic, dizzy and nauseus, and sat there and cried. Like any normal person, I demanded an answer from the Lord about why I had to go through this. I thought coming to third world country for almost 3 months, serving and loving the Lord wholeheartedely was enough. Not to come and sit in my room crying and suffering from this giant mass under my arm. I was a broken and confused human being. 

Yet, in that moment and the ones falling it, I learned how small I am in this world. That I am but a breath of air passing by. As I continued sitting there angry and upset, I thought about Job, a man who was deliberately put to the test for his love and dedication of God himself:

"And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord." (Job 1:8-12)

"And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life.” (2:6)

After God allows Satan to have control over him, by killing everything he owned and even inflicting him with sores, this is what Job does:

"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong” (1:20-22)

Many people may look past the whole point of this story and question why God would allow this to begin with. That's not the point. As humans, we have no right to question the way and authority of God. Should the clay tell the potter that he didn't shape it how it should have been shaped? Should the creation cry out to the creator that he did not create something of good standard? Absolutely not. Like Job, we must learn to praise God in the good and bad times. For Job says: "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" (2:10) If we are only praising Him in the good, we are missing the entire point altogether. Even Paul, a man over familiar with hardship, knew that "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God." (Acts 14:22). 

Not to mention Christ on the cross...

Two days later, however, I was taken to the hospital to see what could be done about it. Unfortunately, the only option we had was to let it be cut open for the infection to be taken out. I have never had to go through any surgery my entire life. I never thought I would go through something like that in Africa either. I never expected someone to cut open my arm with a blade...without numbing medicine. I pray I never have to go through that again. Although this experience was a trying time, I praise God daily for it. It's all I can do. If it wasn't for these last few weeks here, I may have never had the chance to learn this lesson in the first place.

Maybe it's the reason I was to come back to small little Togo to begin with. 

"The Lord said to Job: Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct him? Let him who accuses God answer him!" (Job 40:1-2)

"For he wounds but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal." (Job 5:18)

Lord have your way in me.   

 

Loving on Jacque

Today as I went to church, I didn't expect to see my sweet seven year old friend, Jacque, with a swollen shut and red eye. I didn't expect tears to come to my own eyes when I saw him. I didn't expect to walk with him with his hand in mine the whole way home, he never leaving my side. I didn't expect my heart to ache each time I saw him looking down in Sunday school, when he is almost always laughing and smiling along with the others. I didn't expect him to look at me with those eyes as if saying it hurts.

I didn't expect my heart to filled with an immense amount of love that I couldn't even handle it myself.

 My heart has never been so broken. When you see others in pain you feel bad for them. When you see someone you've come to love in pain, you feel the pain yourself. You do anything you can to try and help. Whether it's taking them to the hospital or holding their small, tiny hand in yours and never letting go.

If there's one thing I've learned while being here in Togo, is that you can't love these people on your own. There's no way possible that I can love these people. The only way possible is through Christ in me. It's not easy to love. I could say the opposite is true. Today I had to love through Christ because every part of me wanted to be angry at whatever caused the pain for my sweet friend; yet, Christ called me to love him for that moment. 

This reminds me of Jesus and the small children. The disciples saw the children coming, running with excitement to Jesus; yet, the disciples rebuke them and tell them to leave him alone. At this, Jesus becomes ferious at them and yells, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark 10:14) He then takes the children into his arms and loves them with blessings.

This has become one of my favorite stories since I've been here in Togo. The children here are what draw me to this place, because otherwise, I would not be here. Being away from home isn't easy. But seeing and hearing about children being killed for satanic worship is worse. So many of them have no choice but to follow these practices as they grow up because it's all they are exposed to. Yet, their souls are at risk of being punished for eternity. If my life on earth is but a flash, I'm willing to give everything to love the least of these.

In loving Jacque today, I learned that all it takes to love a child is plenty of hugs, laughing, and letting them lay in your lap while holding their hand as you read them a book. It's that easy.

The affect, however, is eternal. 

"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With human beings this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God."' (Mark 10:27)


"Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger." (Psalm 8:2)

Blankets and Kisses

I am so thankful for days like these. Days where hot chocolate and cuddling with children watching Ernest Goes to Africa, listening to laughter and rain falling outside is perfect. As I woke up this morning, I expected to see the sun shining but instead watched the rain fall outside of my window. I drew my blanket closer to me as I thought about the comforting love of the Savior and felt the cold air outside. It's not too often that it's cold here. But on these days, I'm reminded of the love and perfect grace Christ gives us. Like when you wear a white shirt, it doesn't matter how dirty you are at the end of the day because the hugs and back rides of little ones are more important. I'm reminded each time the children are filthy and are covered in dirt, you can't help but to pick them up and cover them in kisses. Each time a small, helpless baby falls asleep in your arms with her tiny fingers wrapped around yours, I can't help but be in awe. The Lord sings over us with His unfailing love each day; yet, I believe we are so close minded to the ways that he reminds us that we can't even see it. We need to open our minds to the mysterious ways of God because He is revealing Himself more than we are even aware of. Even now, as my 6 year old sweet girl sits with me at the table drawing and learning her numbers in English (her third language), I'm humbled at the feet of Jesus.

It's on days like these that I'm reminded that His love is better than life.

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you,

as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,

beholding your power and glory.

Because your steadfast love is better than life,

my lips will praise you.

So I will bless you as long as I live;

in your name I will lift up my hands."

 Psalm 63

Living in the Moment

Many people think that when you're living in Africa that the hardest part will be getting use to not having the things you usually have in America, to give up the comforts of your normal life. The opposite is true. No, to live in Africa means you have to learn to live in the moment. It doesn't mean having a specific agenda that will actually go according to planned. If you say you'll leave at five in the morning, it actually means you'll probably leave at seven instead. It means that you learn to laugh at yourself more than usual and get use to everyone knowing what's going on in your life. Everyone is friends whether you've known them five years or five minutes (especially if you can speak one or two words in there language). It means you may be working in a medical clinic where a small enfant comes in screaming and crying with a cut open and infected foot while a fourteen year old boy is being rushed in from the road with a fresh, it-just-happened, motorbike accident, blood gushing all over the floor. Africa is not a place you would dream of living in with its impoverished land and suffering around every corner. But on days like these, it's everything I want. Where after just stitching a leg back together you're laughing and dancing with your friends to some small radio with music you don't even know. Where when it pours and storms outside, you run to the roof dancing in the rain while chasing the children in the compound, trying not to slip in the red mud. But really because you fall over someone because you're all gathered in a house singing and praising God; laughing and reading the Bible. 

 This is the life that I've been called to live and I never want to miss a day of it. Here in this small country called Togo, life is being made new; it makes everything seem so small. Watching children less than 10 years old fight over food in a poor village puts things into perspective. It's not something you see everyday and it makes everything else seem unimportant in your life. This is what it means to live in the moment. That when all you see is suffering and anguish all around you, you look for anything good and beautiful to praise God for. It may be a sunrise or sunset. Maybe laughing with wound patients or the laughter of school children just outside of the church. It can even be friendships forming and later coming together in prayer and crying together. I guess that's how God sees our lives. Though we see past mistakes and brokeness in our lives, he sees the beauty instead. This is what grace looks like. 

We need to start living in the moment.

God of Peace

Today, I decided to go outside in nature and spend time with the Lord. I'm at my grandma's this weekend so it's hard to get away at times. But as I was sitting, this is what I wrote in my journal:

"As I sit here, all I here is a dog barking his head off because of me. He thinks I'm on his territory, or he's afraid of me. The thoughts in my head as I sit in the beauty of your creation is that we are just like this. We desire for so many to hear what it is we have to say and we'll do or say whatever it is to be heard. It's our human instinct to desire this, for others to know the deep details of our life. Sometimes we're so desperate for this that we give ourselves away, whether physically or emotionally, risking the fullness of our hearts in the hands of a human being, I don't think this desire is wrong, but we've been made to experience a relationship like this already, with one who desires the same kind of relationship. ' For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.' (Psalm 139) The more I entangle my emotions with humans, the more I feel unsatisfied. And the answer is so simple as to why: We were made to be entangled in the One who knows us completely, and loves like no other. As I grow older, I understand this concept more and more. I know each person I form a relationship with is going to fail me and I will fail them. But I know my god will never fail me, even though I will fail Him. Because the truth is that God is looking intently for those who love Him. His love never fails and always satisfies. We can always entangle ourselves in Him but never come out with a broken heart. I'm tired of being a loud, barking dog. It's time I become like a sparrow, always counting on the unfailing One who provides." 

I think about how many times this happens, that we so willingly give our hearts away without meaning to. While vulnerability is normal, we must guard the inner parts of our soul and give them to the Protector. He longs for us to come to Him first. He never says no to what we have to say :)

"For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." 2 Chronicles 16:9 

Holding Nothing Back

I'm learning in this life that God calls His servants to do things that they would normally not do, things that are uncomfortable. Things that people don't understand and things that the world says you're crazy if you do it. But Jesus clearly says in Matthew 10:39 "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

My whole life I have taken the easy way out or listened to others about what I "should" or "shouldn't" do, you know, the simple comfortable thing. I get so wrapped up in what others will think about me if I do a certain thing. I never knew this about myself until this year. Whether I'm trying to please my family and friends or someone I look up to, it happens.

It gets tiring trying to please people. I think I'm ready to please the One who deserves all of my dedication.

I'm ready to loose my life for something that's greater than me so that I can find my life. No that doesn't make sense whatsoever, but I hold onto that promise; the promise that gives me true life. In saying this I'm unsure of what will happen next at this point of my life but I know it will be great. Something I can't piece together or imagine right now. With Jesus, it's all in or nothing right? When God closes one door, He will always open another if you are willing. I'm willing. No matter the cost. I may even look crazy to some. Courageous to others. But there's nothing special about me, honestly. Except that something changed my life: the deep love of Jesus Christ. Oh how I'm seeing His love more and more. And seeing that He doesn't call us to live for ourselves...

I'm ready to find my life.

"In you, Lord my God, I put my trust. I trust in you, do not let me be put to shame nor let my enemies triumph over me." Psalm 25:1-2