A Field of Flowers

I am falling in love. But it's not with who you probably think. It's not some knight-like man who came and swept me off my feet on his white chariot horse with his long dark brown hair and gorgeous eyes. It's not a man who can serenade me with his beautiful guitar playing or a bouquet of my favorite flowers (white lilies, btw). This man doesn't give me expensive jewelry, take me out to dinner, write me cards randomly, or any of the above. The man I'm falling in love with was dirty, homeless, rejected, rebellious, and crucified on an instrument made specifically for torture.

I can't help but feel this way each time I think about my true love. My soul longs to be filled with a love that satisfies like no other, and He is the only one who can actually accomplish that unbelievable task. When I went halfway across the world in pursuit of this man, some people thought I was being ridiculous while some encouraged me to do whatever it took to pursue Him. The world screams at me that I need to find the right one, get married, and have kids as soon as possible. But why can't they see that I'm content in being made whole by the protector of my heart? This man is the only one who has ever come close to understanding me. He is the one who knows me more intimately than anyone. He holds my heart when it is completely shattered and wipes away the tears with His comforting presence. He picks me up when I fall so hard on my face that I'm embarrassed to even get back up again. He's patient, thoughtful, and takes me back when I mess up over and over again. He knows my struggles and helps me overcome them. I know I can talk to Him and He'll listen (even though I should be listening more). He knows me completely and He loves me despite my failures and flaws. He even understands my obsession with flowers.

So how is it that can I settle for less than what the world is throwing at me?

Many girls imagine a man like this and search for him and never find him. I'm even guilty of this myself. We try to find contentment in a human being instead of the One who can fulfill our every desire in a romantic relationship. We attempt to finish the novel that we've been writing all of these years but every ending is just as bad as the one before that (if not worse!). I've understood all of this and I'm no stranger to this concept. I understand the broken heart syndrome when you get your heart back in a trillion pieces. I understand the loneliness and feelings of inadequacy. I understand the desire to find that true prince riding in on a beautiful white horse coming to take you to his kingdom. It's every woman's wish.

But I've come to realize that if we ever want that novel to have a happy ending, we have to first stop writing it. It's not our story to write, but the one who knows every part of us. The One I speak of, this lover of my soul, He is the author of this fairy tell. But truth be told, He already wrote the ending when He gave up His very life to love us. We don't have to search for this love that will never satisfy. We just have to look in the eyes of the true love, Jesus. I know that it is only this man who fills my longing for love.

I think right now I'm ok in this season of singleness because I already have my knight-in-shining armor. He's coming back for me, His bride. I'm His bride. Your His bride. We're the bride of Christ and He's coming back for us someday. I'll hold onto that promise as long as I'm alive.

And He'll give me white lilies every single day forever when He takes me to His kingdom :)

"I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest." Revelation 6:2

"And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:3